I wasn't surprised, I've learned, on most subjects, if I don’t focus my thoughts strongly in one direction, I tend to move slowly in the other . . . and that’s exactly what happened.  For me, 25 pounds is not a great deal of weight, but it was enough that when I got on the scale I was at the highest weight I've ever been in my life.  And those last few pounds seemed to push me over some edge that had me feeling a great deal less comfortable physically.  I wasn't going in the direction I wanted so much to go, and my body was sweetly reminding me that for me it was the wrong direction.

Though, emotionally I wasn't upset about it in the least, I didn't berate myself for gaining.  I didn't scold myself for not being able to do it all, tend to my Mom and myself too. 

I was loving and accepting of myself.  In fact I was proud of myself for handling everything as well as I did, and for coming through one of the most stressful times of my life with Grace and ease and only gaining a few pounds.

I knew gaining weight as normal for me considering what had been happening in my life.  You see food was, after all, for most of my life the only way I knew to nurture myself.  And while for a couple of years now I haven’t felt the compulsiveness I always did in the past, from my years of studying Abraham (Abraham-Hicks.com) I knew my thinking on the subject hadn’t changed sufficiently to prevent gaining weight from happening when things were so stressful for me.  As in the past, I simply didn’t have the tools to choose another way.

However, when my responsibilities to my Mom ended, I began to feel a passion for creating and embracing a new chapter in my life.  I felt an intoxicating freedom and desire to focus fully on my own experience and my own needs.  It became a Spiritual need to change my body, while creating my deepest desires. 

I also began experiencing what I can only describe as a hyper spiritualism after Mom crossed.  I felt like having her in non-physical supercharged the currents of my connection.  And simply knowing I have such an amazing group of souls on the other side working for me, and cheering me on . . . well that simply humbled me and inspired me in a way I can’t begin to explain.

When my Grandmother said “Think of it as eating rainbows!” she gave me a huge gift.  The gift of fun.  The gift of allowing something that’s always been an “issue” for me to be easy.  The gift of new vision, new perspective and new joyful experience.

I felt as if a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders (puns are always intended here) and it was replaced by a sense of fun and delightful anticipation. 

I love thinking about what my Grandmother might inspire in me next.  When I take a bite of fresh cucumber and it tastes better than cucumber ever has in my life, I know my Grandmother is enjoying that cucumber through me too. 

Knowing along with me, my non-physical family are experiencing my life through me, gives me a sense of confidence I’ve never had before.  Like the answers to all my questions, even those I haven’t formulated yet, are already here for me.  All I have to do is relax and allow them to unveil exactly what I need as I need it. 

It brings with it an understanding that success is not just guaranteed, it’s inevitable.

What a powerful position from which to approach and achieve a life time goal.  A place where failure is “not an option”, in fact it’s not even considered.  The idea of it is not even available, because it’s ludicrous.

That’s how I’ve been feeling lately, and the answers, the guidance, the inspiration has been flowing in exquisitely.  And I am letting it all unfold Gracefully and gratefully.

I spent Memorial Day this year, the same way I would have if Mom were still here, I went to our town’s Memorial Day parade and spent the rest of the day tinkering around the house and releasing the past, preparing for a new chapter in my life.  Then on Tuesday morning, I started to loosely follow the Flex Points system of Weight Watchers.

I’ve been on the plan in the past and I’ve always known, when I got serious about allowing myself to release the weight, for me it was the tool that works, one I can enjoy.  I love that it doesn’t tell me what to eat, only gives me a structure of how to eat.  It gives me a foundation on which to build my own personal health and vitality plan, based on my own body, my personal desires, tastes and needs.

I have no desire to go to the meetings, or use them to hold myself accountable.  I know I’m much more capable of keeping myself encouraged than anyone else.  And to me “accountable” means surrendering my control to someone else

I’m not suggesting this plan is right for anyone else.  It might be, if you are like me, but I’ve learned that each one of us individually has to find the plan that is absolutely perfect for our own life.  One based on our experience, needs, desires and feelings.  And the only way to find that plan is to ask our Inner Guidance to lead us to it.

For me I love that on the Flex Point system there is no good and no bad list of foods, I choose from all of the abundant choices the Universe provides. 

I’ve learned that I have to have that freedom.  The minute I feel like anyone or any plan is telling me “you can’t eat this or that” I start feeling imprisoned and out of control.  That feeling is a warning signal for me, telling me it isn’t right for me and it will never last.

Freedom has to be the foundation for anything I do in my life.  I’ve just recently come to realize I must feel free to choose or not choose whatever I eat.  I have to feel like what I am doing is entirely my choice, that I’m not doing it because it’s written in a book, or suggested by an expert. 

I have to know if I’m choosing to eat carrot sticks, I’m doing it from an inspired place inside me, not because someone else believes they are what I should be eating to release weight.  

I can look at a list of foods that are considered healthy, and if I’m feeling that freedom, It will look like the most delicious list of foods I can imagine.  It can really look to me like a list of edible rainbows. 

If I’m not feeling that freedom, it will look like the most boring, tasteless list of foods on the planet.  The list doesn’t change, the foods don’t change, the difference is where my mind is, and how I’m feeling about my creative control of my own life.

It is not the action, not the food that you eat, that is the greater issue.  It is the vibrational stance from which you take your action.  There is a big difference between pushing against what you do not want, and relaxing into what you do want.  G 1/23/93  Excerpted from the Abraham-Hicks Daily Calendar page 339 (Abraham-hicks.com)

I also love the fact that Weight Watchers has another plan, if I get tired of this one, I can switch over to that one, and back again if I like.  I can tweak it and play with it and make it my own.

So far, it’s working beautifully for me.  I lost 27½ pounds in the first 6 weeks on my new plan.  It took me a year of unconscious eating to put on 25 pounds and 6 weeks of intentional eating to take them back off.  Not too bad!

Now, I’m customizing it to fit my life, turning it into my own.  I expect that will be an ongoing and fun passion for me, taking what they’ve created (bless them!) and sculpting it into exactly what works perfectly for me.

Until these last few months I never realized how important freedom was to me.  I never saw the absence of freedom as why “diets” never worked for me.  I’ve also started seeing ways in which freedom is the foundation of all the other areas of my life. 

I’m learning so much about myself by simply following my Heart’s Desire.

I’m so glad those of you reading this are sharing the journey with me

Much love,
Tigerlily

After seeing the rainbow, and knowing I asked for it directly, I existed in a sort of delightful spiritual fog for the next few days, absolutely wallowing in my bliss.  

Then came the evening of my appointment with Ann Albers the channel (Visionsofheaven.com).  She is a lovely, warm person and I was really looking forward to every aspect of the call.  As soon as we started talking she said “there’s a woman here for you” and then “oh, I remember her, she’s your Mom, and your Dad’s here too!” 

Mom started immediately talking about uncluttering my life.  Mom left us with a legacy of material possessions my sisters and I are going to have to deal with, and each of us with a different degree of inherited compulsive hoarding.  I come from a family of collectors, or “packrats” according to Mom on the call. 

Mom took responsibility for influencing us to be that way, and she talked about how too much insignificant physical “stuff” blocks our energy and holds us down.  She said she had realized in non-physical that you can have anything you want, all you have to do is create it with your mind.  She said she believes it’s the same way in physical too, but it’s best to surround yourself only with the stuff you really love and release all the other stuff you don’t feel attached to, back to the Universe to flow on to someone else. 

Then Ann said there was another woman coming through, it was my Grandmother, my Mom’s Mom.  And she was so excited to talk to me, she said she’d been watching over me for a long, long time.  She crossed in 1978 and I got the immediate and warm feeling she’d been my guardian since she’d crossed. 

Grandmother immediately asked “Do you know why you’ve been craving fruits and vegetables? . . .  That’s me!” 

She said that she had taken on the role of my inspiration to help me with food and weight.  That she always loved food and still does and I had inspired her to gather all the information on the non-physical side she could find, to help me.  She said she was enjoying learning about it now so she could turn around and inspire me.  She had assigned herself the role of helping to open my mind and inspire me to healthy choices. 

She said over the last few weeks, when I felt those little inspirations to buy fresh fruits and vegetables, it was her.  And recently when I’ve been so attracted to all the different and beautiful colors of produce available, it was also her, inspiring me.

I knew instantly what she was talking about, because I’d been noticing a marked difference in my desires regarding food for the last few weeks, I had been noticing and really enjoying all the colors in the fresh produce department at the grocery store, and I’d been buying more bright, colorful foods.  I’d make some amazing salads and feeling satisfied with them or steaming fresh vegetables instead of grabbing a fast food item. 

Her next thing Grandmother said simply knocked both Ann and I out . . . she said “Think of it as eating rainbows!”

What a wonderful way of thinking about it!  I was so surprised and grateful for her assistance.

Immediately I asked her “Did you send the rainbow!” and she said “Yes! Yes! That was me!” 

I explained to Ann about the rainbow I’d seen a few days before.  She was as delightfully surprised as I was by my Grandmother’s declaration.  When I told her that I saw the rainbow upon leaving a grocery store after buying fruits and veggies, we both had a moment of utter awe.

During that call I learned that my sweet Mom and my wonderful Grandmother are part of my Spiritual support and inspiration team.  Along with Spirit, the angels, fairies and guides is my dear Dad and three of my closest girlfriends who’ve crossed over.  They are like my own personal guidance group and they just love inspiring me to create my life to match my dreams.  I consider them my personal Grace Crew.

How’s that for power?  For unlimited support and love inspiring me to do what I need to do to create my dreams? 

There was much, much more to the call and honestly that one hour with my parents and Grandmother from non-physical and the angels has changed my life.  Mom’s crossing started me on a new path, but learning and deeply feeling the wonderful connection to the people I love on the other side has instilled in me a remarkable sense of peace.  A knowing that goes deeper than anything I’ve ever encountered before, and utter expectation for my future. 

I suddenly realized “How is it possible to fail at anything when I have such amazing support on the other side?”

During the call, when we were talking about uncluttering my life, Ann mentioned a book about a spiritual program she had read called Creating Your Heart's Desire by Sonia Choquette.  She said step 4 is all about that exact principle. 

Another amazing synchronicity was that I happen to already have the book and I have the cassette tape series of the program, both gifts given me in the past.  More so, even in my completely cluttered house, it turned out both the book and the tape album were right next to my computer when I hung up the phone.  Believe me, the idea that it was at my fingertips and I didn’t have to hunt for it alone . . . was a miracle!

Turns out Sonia’s program was the next step in my amazing adventure and I’ll go into that soon on another post.

For now I want to say that we all have a Spiritual circle of angels, family, friends and spiritual beings watching over us.  I’ve been blessed by my Mom with a deep understanding of my connection to them.  And blessed by Ann with the honor of having talked to them and feel my connection to them in a new, incredibly deep way. 

I know that we all have it.  We each have our own personal connection to Spirit, and to all of non-physical, all we have to do is believe it, nurture it, and allow it.

And tapping into that strength, perseverance, humor and love has filled me with an almost steel like resolve, that I know I can do anything . . . absolutely anything . . . to which I put the creative force of my mind and the power of my spirit. 

It’s taken me a long time to get to this place of complete knowing and confidence . . . a lifetime.  But the feeling is definitely worth the wait.

I’ve been absent from writing here in my beloved blog, while I finalized one chapter of my life.  I’ve missed it terribly, but I had to do what I had to do, I had to honor my own timing and my needs. 

But now, I am incredibly ready to embrace huge change and amazing new experiences in my life.  I’m open to the guidance of my Grandmother and all else who want to inspire me to accomplish the biggest desire of my life . . . that of Allowing My Perfect Body.

I hope you join me on my adventure!

Tigerlily

Actually I deeply feel the mastery of the Universe in my life these last 6 months or so, so much more than ever before.  I feel intimately attached to the power that determines the tides, sends the wind and arranges for all the synchronicities/coincidences in life. 

A couple of weeks after my Mom crossed, my sister received a free reading from a hugely talented channel, Ann Albers (http://www.visionsofheaven.com/).  A friend had made the appointment and then not been able to keep it so she passed it along to my sister.  Ann, the channel has a very long waiting list for new clients and is booked a year in advance, so the timing was nothing less than a miracle.

It was a wonderful reading for my sister and it brought a sense of peace to all of us, just hearing from Mom for the first time after her crossing.  For me, while I already was at peace with her passing, the reading still gave me a further sense of completion and peace.

Mom extolled about how good it felt to be out of her old, worn out body and how amazing it was on the other side.  She beamed about how wonderful it was to be with my Father again after so many years, and she admitted that she had missed him much more than she had tried to let on to us.  She even joked about how if she’d known it was this wonderful, she’d have gone a whole lot earlier!

The thing she said that touched me the deepest by it’s incredible beauty was she described the moment of her passing.  She said while she was completely ready to go, her only concern was for us . . . her girls,  she so wanted it to be easy on us.  She said when the final moment came, as she was laying in the hospital bed and she felt the gentle and familiar presence of my Fathers arms wrapping around her.  It felt so wonderful after all those years that all she did was simply let go into his embrace . . . and that was it . . . she crossed over.

The peace of that simply astounds me and warms my soul.

I knew as soon as I heard the reading, I had to have a reading of my own, so I contacted Ann and asked her if she could put me on her waiting list.  She was so kind, and offered to bump me to the front of her list because I was “family”, she had really enjoyed reading for my sister and adored the loving energy of my parents.  The Universe went to work and within a few weeks she had an opening on her incredibly booked schedule which she offered and I jumped on.

In the meantime while I waited for my appointment, I was surprised by growing desires in me to eat healthier.  I was feeling more intrigued by brightly colored peppers than I was a brightly colored bag of chips.  I noticed feeling more satisfied with a salad, and truly surprising . . . less dressing . . . than I was with a serving of chili cheese fries.  I was really enjoying the changes in me and the feeling of surprise they ignited in me.  I  became enamored with that feeling of being surprised and I wanted more, bigger, I wanted to feel astounded. 

I had felt it a few times lately, and before that I hadn’t felt that particular emotion for a very long time.  That feeling of absolute awe.  The feeling of something bigger than all of us . . . in control . . . strutting her stuff for out benefit.  That feeling of delightful surprise mixed with knowing and awe.  

I had been asking Grace to astound me for a week or so.  I didn’t try to put boundaries on it, or a timeframe, I just asked Spirit to astound me in delightful ways and then I accepted that I had been heard and I waited in expectation for when and what would come.

You've asked; the Universe is doing it's work; it is answering.  Your work is to get into this place where you joyfully receive it.  You can't take score about when it's coming or where it's coming, or how it's coming. In other words, you accept, in this faith-based attitude, it is coming, and all is well. And as you do that, Ahhhhhhhhh.  Excerpted from an Abraham-Hicks (abraham-hicks.com) workshop in North Los Angeles CA on March 2, 2002

About a  week before my reading I was coming home from work on the expressway and it was one of those strange days, with dark clouds on one side of the road and the sun glimmering on the other.  I had been flying along with the rest of the traffic at 70MPH but came up behind a car going slower.  I was in the slow lane and looked back to see about getting over and passing it, but then the thought struck me “what’s your hurry?” I was getting off at the next stop a mile or so ahead, why was I rushing?  So I slowed down and enjoyed the bizarre sky, both aspects of it the dark and the light.  It really was a beautiful day.

About 10 minutes later, I was slowing down for a red light when I felt my tire start going flat, by the time I got to the intersection, it was completely down to the rim!  I pulled into the turn lane because I knew there was a tire store within two blocks.  I made it around the corner and limped into the store with a huge smile on my face.  I couldn’t stop thinking of the difference between this event and what would have happened if it had blown as I was flying down the interstate!

Within 10 minutes I had another tire put on (and even got a great deal on it) and was pulling back out of the parking lot.  I certainly felt the hand of Spirit in those circumstances and I was definitely in awe.

I considered the whole experience pretty astounding and I was just gushing to Grace how while it might have not been what I was expecting, I still deeply appreciated her answer to my request!

I was still wallowing in my bliss as I went to the grocery store down the street.  It was where I was headed when the tire went flat.  I walked through the grocery store buying veggies and fruit with a manic grin on my face, loving the feeling of being answered by Grace.  As I walked out the door I couldn’t help but notice the weather, the sun was simply beaming from the left and as I looked toward the right where the thunderstorm had moved to, amongst the dark clouds I saw the most astounding rainbow I’ve ever seen in my life. 

It encompassed the entire horizon, a full arch.  I turned to face it and to the right it looked as if it ended somewhere down the road a way and to the left, the other end looked like it ended at my home a couple of miles the other way.

I stood there until I realized my mouth was gaping wide open and I was standing in the middle of a lane in a parking lot.  I looked around and there were about 8 other people all doing the same thing I was doing, staring at this beautiful present in complete awe.  The guy closest to me was snapping shots with his camera phone.

I’ve only seen a few rainbows in my life and I’ve never seen the full arch from one part of the horizon to the other.  I’d seen pictures of them and shot out rockets of desire to see one myself one day.  But I never dreamed, in answer to my vague asking, God would provide such a gift to all of us who saw it that day.

This wasn’t just a matter of “wow that’s cool” for me, it was absolutely one of the most amazing natural experiences of my life (so far).  And to have it happen in succession with the tire blowing and knowing it was all an answer to my asking . . . well I was pretty much in a state of wonderful shock.  My request had been most profoundly answered and done so in a way that was much, much bigger and grander than I ever could have dreamed.

I took it as a sign that if I just kept focusing on my wonderful life, be grateful for every aspect of it, and leave the details to Spirit, the how’s and the when’s,  my life too would turn out much bigger, much grander than I could ever dream.

I stood there for a long time in amazement, just wallowing in my bliss.  

Eventually I followed that rainbow all the way home.

I’ll post part two of my adventures soon.

Tigerlily 

My Mom and I were very, very close.  In many ways, we were more like a couple than a traditional Mom and Daughter.  I moved back in with her years ago, to make sure she stuck around when my Dad died suddenly.  Eventually I built a home next door to hers-the one I’d grown up in, so she could stay in her own home and be as independent as possible for as long as possible. 

As she aged I took on more and more of the responsibility for her life, I took her everywhere, I managed her health care, I was the support for her continued independent life.  I did her grocery shopping, her laundry, took out her trash, handled her heavy chores . . .   I did everything I could to let her continue to live on her own.  I was her best friend, and she was mine. 

In the course of all of it, we developed a deep and loving friendship that surpassed our Mother/Daughter roles entirely.  In some ways they reversed, with me becoming more of the Mom figure, and her more the dependent.  Yet she was always the strong Mom influence in my life, supportive, loving and encouraging. 

Food and all the aspects of it, shopping, cooking, eating had been a central part of her whole life.  But I watched as over the years it became less and less important to her until finally, even eating became a chore she dreaded.  Like so many elderly people, over the last few years she kept getting smaller, losing weight and shrinking.  I often joked with her that she didn’t have to worry about dying, she was just going to be like ”The Incredible Shrinking Woman”, just keep getting smaller and smaller until one day . . . “blip” . . . she’d just disappear to somewhere more beautiful.  No effort, no pain, just smaller and smaller until one day gone . . .   She lived that experience as closely as physical life provides.  Her little physical body slowly and simply wore out.  Her sweet heart and all her organs lasted much, much longer than anyone expected they possibly could, until one morning, the day before Valentine’s Day,  she simply and quietly let it go.

It was a beautiful experience watching her transition over the course of a year or so, from elderly but functioning woman to bedridden, and sincerely ready to cross on to what is next.  And I know she took that long, slow path for me, for my sisters and our family.  To give us time to adjust to the idea of life without her.  Also to give my sisters time, like I had had for years, to say everything they needed to say to her.  To give us all time to lavish love on her the way she always lavished it on us.

I am selfishly grateful that she took that long, slow path, when it was obvious all along she could have left at any time, skipping so much apparent discomfort, pain and frustration.  It was also obvious to me that she was sticking around because she wanted to continue to be a brilliant Mom, she wanted to pass along one last, continuing lesson in strength, love and family.  

She didn’t really complain, no matter what was going on or what indelicacies they were doing to her.  Yet in her quiet strength, she also stood up for herself when she felt it was needed.  And through it all, every day, every breath, she kept smiling, zinging wisecracks and making light of it all.  In doing so she left us all a legacy of strength, perseverance, humor and love.

An unexpected and huge blessing she left for me, is one that is hard to put into words.  She always told me “I don’t want you to cry when I go, I want you to celebrate.  I’m not leaving you, I’m going to be with your Father.  I don’t want a funeral, I just want you to bury my ashes with your Dad, and then go have a party and celebrate my life!  When you think of me, I want you to smile!” 

She was thinking of her kids to the very end.  In spite of someone being with her almost constantly for months and months, she chose to cross during one of the few moments when she was alone.  I’m sure she didn’t want her last moment, when she slipped quietly from this side to the next to be a difficult memory for one of her girls.  She wanted it all to be as easy as possible for us.

When I first heard she had crossed, in spite of knowing it was coming, all I felt for the first few hours was numbness, a kind of shock, like I never really believed it would happen.  But as soon as that shock/numbness wore off, I was enveloped in the most amazing feeling of wellbeing I’ve ever experienced. 

I knew immediately I was feeling what she was feeling on the other side.  At least as much of her non-physical joy as I am physically capable of experiencing.  Every time I thought of her I got this overpowering wave of total love and absolute, bewildering joy.  The kind of joy that is bigger than life itself.  The kind of joy that comes from seeing my Father again after a 22 year separation, and being more in love with him than ever.  The joy of instantly going from 91 year old, bedridden, sick woman, to feeling young, healthy, vibrant, and unlimited, in the spiritual arms of the man she loves.

OH!  The party we have when you croak!  And the laughter that abounds, As you say, again and again, All that GRIEF over NOTHING!  All that GUILT over NOTHING!  All that WORRY over NOTHING!  And then what do you do?  You say, Ready to go again!  Ready to go again!  Ready to go Again!   You don't say, "ah, didn't like that!!!  Didn't like that one bit!"  From your place of connection, you see it all clearly, you know it, you ARE it, you see!!!  Excerpted from an Abraham-Hicks (Abraham-hicks.com) workshop in San Francisco, CA on February 24, 2007A

It was overwhelming and incredibly beautiful to me.  My best friend, my Mom . . . had left this physical existence and all I could feel was incredible joy . . . her joy.  While the idea of going through the rest of my life without her physical presence was tender to me, mostly I felt as if we had said everything we needed to say a hundred times or more, and we’d done everything we needed to do.  She had lived until her body had become a prison to her and I was experiencing her release of it into the overwhelming freedom of pure positive energy.  She shared that with me so I’d know she was still with me and that she was more than just OK.  She shared it the same way we had shared most everything else, and it has been the biggest blessing of my life.

I’m sure some of the people around me, were curious as to why I wasn’t falling apart, she’d been the center of my life, and me of hers for years.  But I simply couldn’t be anything but happy for her.  In fact, the idea of grieving seemed ludicrous to me, grieving for her when she was experiencing such joy, it made no sense.  All I could feel was she had lived a full, happy, loving and long life and now was on to her next big adventure. 

And grieving for myself seemed completely selfish, the truth was I simply wouldn’t have wanted her to experience even one more second of physical, not the way it was in the end for her.  I had an overwhelming sense of the beauty of the circle of life, I wasn’t worried about myself or where my life was going.  I had spent that time doing what I loved with who I loved.  I created that part of my life and I deeply understood my future is mine to create too.  

Sensitivity forced me to tone my joy down for my family’s sake.  As we watched them inter her ashes in the same grave with my Father’s coffin and throughout the next few weeks, I had to suppress the natural smile on my face, and I was careful not to show much of the unbridled joy I was feeling in my heart.  While they all knew she was in a better place, each was still caught up in their own individual feelings of loss and grief, and I had to respect that for them.

I had to keep my joy in check as I was offered condolences at the memorial luncheon we had for her at her favorite restaurant.  Everyone knew our relationship, and what a big part of my life she was, and they all were concerned about the gap she left with her passing.  They were afraid I’d take it hardest.  I’m sure some were concerned I’d fall apart, even had been expecting it for years.  But after 6 years of Abraham, (which honestly none of them know about me) and many talks with my Mom, I was more than prepared.  I know about pure positive energy and I understood the joy, the almost glee I was feeling, it was her sharing her experience of the release of physical and the complete bliss of returning to pure love.

I simply smiled through all of the sad smiles the way she always showed me, and I told anyone who asked that she lived a beautiful, long, full and very loving life and she had simply finished it to go be with my Dad . . . and that as far as I could see, there was absolutely nothing sad about that.

That enveloping feeling of joy has stayed with me too, I never experienced any grief at her crossing, no stages, no denial or bargaining, no anger, none of it.  All I’ve ever felt is love and a feeling of closing of one door and me gently turning to face the opening of new ones.  A delightful expectation as to what this next chapters of my life will hold. 

Oh don’t get me wrong, I miss her physical presence with all my heart, in a million different ways.  And she crosses my mind all the time, we don’t realize how much our lives are intertwined until someone is gone from physical.  Yet I feel so close to her that after a second or two of missing her, the feeling is always transformed into one of deep gratitude . . . for her . . . and for my continuing connection to her. 

For what she taught me, for what we shared and for how those things give me the strength, perseverance, humor and love to stand tall and embrace my amazing, unfolding future.

Thank you Mom, I love you.

Tigerlily

Yes, my beliefs are the foundation of any possible change, and expectation is the catalyst.  I have to decide that Yes, I do deserve to create a healthy, vibrant and slim body and then I have to know it’s going to be the easiest thing I’ve ever done in my life.  I have to anticipate the answers coming.  To remember that every single answer I need, is within me right now.  I have to have faith I’ll be inspired to uncovering what works perfectly, and easily and joyously for me.  I have to expect success!

Which of those vibrations is stronger within you . . . your hoping, your anticipating or your expecting?  That expectation is a very powerful vibration.  Think about what the word expect means.  It means I’m thinking about something that is important to me . . . and I have already decided how it’s gonna turn out.  Ooooh, that’s big!  I’ve already decided how it’s gonna turn out . . . well I expected that . . . well that’s about par for the course . . . well I saw that coming . . .  In other words I expected it.  And we say . . . doesn’t that feel good to know that you are the creator of your experience and that you expected that right into being???  Excerpted from the Abraham-Hicks workshop in North Los Angeles on August 17th, 2003 (Abraham-Hicks)

I have to believe I can finally let go of the armor I’ve been carrying, I can finally lay it down and walk away into a new life.  And I have to expect . . . as I believe, as I desire, and as I allow, it absolutely will happen.

When I shake my fist at the Universe and claim “I will have this!  Once and for all I WILL create the experience of having a body at it’s perfect place of health, weight and energy!  And it will be everything I’ve ever dreamed it would be!!!” . . . I have to believe that it WILL come, it MUST come. 

I expect the answers will come, the ease of it will come, the joy in it will come.  The weight will gently go and the process . . . every step of it . . . will be inspired, expansive and fun.

What do you expect?

Tigerlily

We are counseled by the experts to dread the time when we will have no choice but to step up our cardio, increase our strength training and/or change whatever has been working for us so far to lose weight, in order to fool/trick our bodies into letting go of those most obstinate last ten pounds.

Even as we make headway in releasing huge amounts of body weight, we are solemnly warned, and lead to believe the last “10” pounds will be harder than all the rest combined.  It’s a milestone we are persuaded to face with trepidation, as if our bodies are silently planning to attack for us just before we arrive at victory.

This pervasive attitude became obvious to me recently when I saw a thin, beautiful and very young “diet” professional talking in earnest on TV about the subject.  She was young enough to be fresh out of college and looked like she had been selected more for her TV appropriate appearance than for any possible experience and true understanding of what people face when losing weight.

It became obvious as she talked that she had never carried 10 extra pounds of weight in her life . . . except for possibly the weight of the school books from her education which was her claim to expertise on the subject.  She came across as empathetic, as she extolled at length the difficulty those last ten posed for others. 

Bless her clueless little heart . . . and I mean that with all of mine.  Because for the first time, as I listened to her, I saw the situation from my Abraham-Hicks (Abraham-Hicks) and Law Of Attraction perspective, and I simply had no choice but to laugh.  The ridiculousness of that common belief and the pervasiveness of it suddenly clarified in my mind. 

Immediately I realized those last pounds are only harder if we believe they are harder.  Let me provide an example.

I once experienced a trust exercise at a team building weekend for work.  I was rigged up in a safety harness with professionals handling the guide ropes and I climbed a 20 foot tall pole.  When I reached the top the plan was I was supposed to step up and stand on the very top of the pole in all my glory. 

Now I’m not afraid of heights, I have a healthy respect for them, but I don’t suffer from acrophobia and I never have.  However I have always been overweight, and at that time while I wasn’t my heaviest, I was still a very big girl.  My fear, was in making a fool of myself.  I was afraid to be a stereotypical overweight woman who couldn’t do what so many others were doing.  I wanted to be a part of the group and I wanted to prove I could climb that pole too.

So I climbed and as I did I was excited at the prospect of standing on top and feeling the pride of having accomplished it.  I was excited at being gently lowered, by the harness, back down to the ground like Peter Pan too. 

The climb up the pole was an experience in itself, and I got all the way to the top, carefully but with no real problems until I came to the last step.  In order to step up on the top of the pole I had to let go of the pole with my hands.  It was simply impossible for anyone to hold on to the pole and raise their foot up at the same time.  I had to let go and take that last step with just my feet, to step up in faith without holding on to anything. 

I heard the encouragements being shouted from below, the facilitator calling up to me to “Let go, just trust, you can do it!”  But I simply couldn’t do it.  I wasn’t afraid of being hurt, I knew I was harnessed securely so even if I fell, I would just be lowered to the ground.  Still I could not let go and take that last step. 

It seemed impossible without falling.  I felt like my own center of gravity was working against me, my knees began shaking and I knew I wasn’t going to make it that final step.  I simply couldn’t pull my fingers off that pole.  I couldn’t trust myself to step up without losing my balance, falling and profoundly embarrassing myself.  While I was proud I had made it to the top, I simply did not believe I could possibly make that last step up . . .  

Ultimately I didn’t get to experience standing on the top of the pole with my arms outstretched and feeling the pride of having conquered it.  I told them I’d had enough, I was proud of what I had already done and to lower me down from where I was.  I stepped off the metal pegs into thin air and let them lower me to the ground.  My faith in the people on the other end of the harness ropes was stronger than my faith in my own ability to step up. 

The memory of that experience has always been a bittersweet mixture of pride and missed opportunity for me.

However afterward the instructor told me something valuable I’ve never forgotten.  He explained that while my reaction was very common, it was only my thinking that made that last step so difficult.  He said the last step is actually no harder and no easier than any other step in life . . . it was just my belief in needing to hold on and my fear of letting go that created the illusion of danger and difficulty for me. 

He said that last step was just an 6 inch step like all the rest of the steps I’d taken on the pole and in fact . . . it could have been the easiest.  Because the rest of the steps on the pole required climbing, the necessity to hold on in order to pull yourself up and keep your balance.  But that last step, since you could let go with your hands, it was just like any other 6 inch step up in life. 

He reminded me “you don’t need your hands when you step up on the curb from the street.  You believe . . . you know . . . you can do it easily, so you just do it without even thinking about it.  Well, that last step was exactly the same.”  “Think about it, if you had been 2 inches off the ground instead of 20 feet, wouldn’t you have just let go, stood up and stepped up?”

He said it was only my belief in that particular step being more dangerous and nearly impossible because it was at the top of a 20 foot pole, that made it appear so hard.  He said if I had been able to simply close my eyes, calm my mind, let go of the pole and straightened up my body, envisioning stepping from the street onto the curb . . . it would have been that easy for me.

I immediately knew he was right.  And I’m grateful to this day for the lesson he taught me.  That steps are just steps, whether their a step up onto a porch or a step up onto the top of a 20 foot pole.  The difficulty level is the same.  If you close your eyes and shut out what appears to be, it’s the same action, the same commitment, the same level of difficulty and safety.

When I heard that young woman on TV talk about how much more difficult those “last 10 pounds” are to get rid of than any other, I realized that too is simply a pattern of thinking, just like that last step on the pole.  We’ve all heard it, passed the verdict around to each other and most importantly believed to be true.  But the real truth is . . . 10 pounds is just ten pounds.  Whether it’s the first ten, ten somewhere in the middle or the last ten, they are all the same. 

When I think about it I realize my body isn’t working against me.  It isn’t laying in wait, holding on to those last few pounds out of some intention to keep me from my goal.  My body doesn’t care if it releases weight or not, it doesn’t have a vested interested in keeping me fat or thin.  It simply takes direction from my vibration, it reacts to my feelings, it gives me exactly what I ask for vibrationally.

Those last ten pounds are exactly like that last step up . . . only as difficult as I believe them to be.  Or . . . as I’ve become more accustomed to think . . . as easy as I believe them to be.

I don’t know about you, but now that I see that old pattern thinking, I’ve decided when I approach those last few pounds I’m not going to get caught up in it, I’m changing my tactics now.  I refuse to see what should be the most joyous part of my journey, as a trial to be overcome.  Instead of believing the myths of others, I am starting now to create my own new thinking, I’m replacing the old stuff with new affirmations for myself:

“Every part of my adventure is exciting, sacred and easy!“
“As I release weight from my body, it gets easier and easier for me!”
“My body and I are partners, it supports me in my efforts!”
“I vibrate ease, health and self-love and my body responds!”
“The only expert in my life is ME!”
“Only I determine the joy and ease of my journey!”
“I am the creator of my experience and I choose joy, fun and ease!”

YES! YES! YES!

Much love,
Tigerlily

There is also no “if” . . .

Recently I’ve discovered this very important fact.  “If” is an insidious little word, but the concept behind it kills.  It kills dreams, it kills inspiration, it kills confidence, it kills momentum, it kills enthusiasm.  Now as an Aber I realize there is no permanency to killing something, since there is no death or end.  So while “if” kills . . . it’s not a permanent situation.  It’s like the cartoons when we were children where Wile E. Coyote is smashed by his own anvil, and he just rises back up, dazed but not dead.  Whatever momentum, enthusiasm, inspiration we have that “if” kills can be regained, re-inspired, re-enthused, it can be re-energized again. 

However, I don’t know about you but I don’t want to go through my life that way, carefully creating and nurturing my momentum on something I want with all my heart and then letting two little letters eat away at it only to have to build it back up again.  Even if it gets easier each time, I don’t want to sabotage myself unconsciously anymore.  Those two little letters when put together create havoc creatively and I simply don’t want to give them that kind of power in my life.

The reason “if” seems so powerful is in its simplicity.  Thinking in terms of “if” something might happen undermines the power behind the momentum, enthusiasm, inspiration.  Attaching an “if” to a desire creates a false sense of security, like hedging my bets or allowing for “reality” I can’t control as opposed to simply believing in myself.

It’s very presence proves I’m not completely confident of being the creator in my life.  It is a signal that my faith in LOA and myself isn’t what it must be in order for me to allow my dreams to manifest.

I’m simply so used to thinking in terms of “if something happens”, or “if I can be perfect”, or “if only this . . . then . . .” that I don’t even realize I’m sabotaging myself from the start.  Some would say I’m sabotaging myself with semantics.  But I’ve come to realize “if” has been lurking quietly behind my newly developed and nurtured optimism. 

I’ve worked hard to change my old ingrained thought patterns to new positive ones about myself, my body and my life and yet I still tend to automatically think “if” my dreams come true.  Like thinking anything more than if, might jinx it or something. 

But I’m realizing now the difference between the words “IF” and “WHEN” hold the magical secret to creating.  It’s never a matter of if, it’s always, always simply a matter of when.  That is the kind of thinking necessary to allow big dreams to materialize.

Abe and the Bible, both say “Ask And It Is Given”, neither of them mention “if”.  There’s no hidden “if you’re good enough”, “if you do this or that”, or “if I feel like giving it to you”. 

No, it’s a simple message “Ask And It Is Given”,  “ASK and it IS given!”

There simply is no “if” in deliberate creation.  We can’t desire something with all our hearts while harboring an attitude of “if” and expect the results we want.  In fact iffing ourselves is resistance pure and simple.  It’s a way of looking at one of our precious dreams without the self-confidence it takes to allow the dream.  It’s not protection or security to allow an “if” it’s fear. 

Believing in my dream is so much more important than any action step I ever make towards the dream.  For example, I have got to believe that ultimately I can lose weight in order to lose weight.  Meaning no matter what plan I’m considering, I must believe it will work for me, that whatever I do my body will respond exactly as I want it to respond.  I must believe if I do X, Y and Z, then my body will slim itself.  It doesn’t even matter what X, Y and Z is . . . it could be eat only bananas; or adhere strictly to the latest expert diet plan; or hum the star spangled banner while eating coconut in the bathroom.  It doesn’t matter what it is, the only thing that matters is the absolute belief it will work for me.  And “if” has no place in that scenario. 

In thinking about this, I realized I never went on any diet with an absolute belief it would work, I always thought in “ifs”.  Now I realize my biggest if wasn’t even if I would lose the weight, it was IF I could keep it off.  That really explains the probably 1000 pounds, give or take, I’ve lost and gained over my life.  I suppose that’s one of the basic absurdities of dieting, that they to are all if/then situations.  If you do this . . . then this will happen . . .

“If you follow my exact instructions as written in my newest diet best seller, and I will guarantee you the results you desire.”  Sound familiar?  No wonder I always thought in terms of “if”.  How can anyone guarantee that something will work in my life . . . except me?

I’ve come to realize that I’ve never had an attitude of absolute belief about anything in my life, at least not until the last few years.  I was always plagued by “if” thinking, I just thought that was how everyone was, until Abraham taught me it was a choice I was making not a punishment or pattern of thought imposed upon me.    I never saw that not believing in myself and in my dreams was a choice I’ve been making over and over. 

And yet the most important thing about that realization is if not believing confidently is a choice, then believing confidently is also a choice.  Allowing “ifs” is a choice and never thinking in terms of “if” again is a choice too.  I get to choose!

Abe has also taught me it’s not in the doing, it’s in the believing, it’s in the loving, it’s in the joy of the experiencing, not the doing itself.  It’s not in the eating, it’s in the feelings behind the eating.

“You must love your body, and then lovingly give it the food. And when you love your body, and lovingly give it the food, it matters not what food you give it.”  Excerpted from an Abraham-Hicks workshop in Ashville, NC on October 29, 2000  (Abraham-hicks.com)
 
Not one “if” in that statement. . . thanks Abe!

Love and Holiday Blessings,
Tigerlily

If someone disappoints you enough times, you begin to lose your trust in them.  Unless you set boundaries, if you stick around long enough for them to disappoint you enough times, you lose trust in them completely.  Then you become suspect of everything they say and do.  It’s just a process we see in others all the time, but I’ve never looked at it from the vantage point of me doing it to myself.

It makes sense when I get some distance from “how I’ve always thought” for me to realize that every time I’ve gained back a pound I’d worked so hard to lose, I disappointed myself.  Every time I “failed” at losing weight, I disappointed myself.  Every time I listened to someone outside me tell me what I should be doing, or the “right” way to do it, and didn’t live up to their expectations, I disappointed myself.  And I can’t begin to count how many times I’ve disappointed myself as I put a bite in my mouth, one I didn’t need physically but craved emotionally.

For anyone who has gained more weight than they wanted, self-trust becomes a huge issue.  I know I lost my faith in my own power as I helplessly (at least that’s how it felt at the time) watched the scale rise one pound at a time.  With each guilt filled bite I questioned my strength to change the situation, my lack of willpower, my ability to make the best decisions for myself, my motives, the very nature of my values and beliefs.  I abused myself with thoughts I would never allow anyone outside of me to say to me.  If anyone treated me the way I treated myself emotionally, by saying the things to me I said to myself I would have instantly realized they were a toxic person and I would have fled them as fast as my legs would carry me.  But coming as thoughts from my own mind, I simply accepted those negative beliefs as true.  It’s no wonder I quit trusting myself.

I was always more concerned with how I was disappointing others, so much so it never occurred to me that with each “failure” I was chipping away at the most important trust in my life . . . how much I trusted myself.

I mean, if I don’t trust myself . . . how can anyone else trust me?  How can I trust others?  If there is no trust between me and me, then really . . . what trust is there in my life?

The thing that I’ve learned with Abraham (Abraham-Hicks.com) is this is so much bigger than simply trusting the physical me to make the right decisions.  It’s bigger than weight or will power or frustration. 

It’s really about trusting the reality of my connection to the Universe.  It’s knowing that I am not just a disembodied physical being walking around alone in this world.  But a connected Spiritual being who came here to experience physical and expand the Universe itself.  It’s trusting that my connection is and has always been strong, and that any decisions I made before I realized I was connected, were the best I could make with what I knew at the time.

I could never trust myself entirely before I knew about LOA because I wasn’t aware of being the creator of my experience, that I alone had the power to create whatever I wanted.  I always felt at the mercy of beings outside me (physical and non-physical) who had more power in my life than I felt I had. 

Now that I know about LOA, about allowing and creating I have found this amazing gift within it.  The gift of trust. 

I know that I can trust myself explicitly, because I know I am an extension of Source embodied.  I know that my decisions, no matter how small, can all come from the same place within me that guides the planets, the tides, the seasons.  I know that I have personal access to the intelligence of the Universe, and that all I have to do is think before I act and ask to feel inspired in my choices.

I realize that it’s not about whether I am trustworthy or not, it’s only about whether I take the time to make decisions from a place of connection.  Or if I follow my past behavior and make them from disconnection.  It’s about following my easy guidance, where how I’m feeling lets me know if what I’m doing what is aligned with my true self and my desires.  And it’s about trusting myself that whichever decision I make, if I don’t like the outcome, I can always make a new decision and change my experience.

It’s about trusting that I am connected to the Universal stream of non-physical energy that is always there for me in every way possible.  That I’m always connected, always loved, and always guided by all knowing knowledge. 

Delegate it to the manager. You have this really good staff that will take care of everything for you. You just have to delegate it -- and trust it.  Excerpted from the Abraham-Hicks (abraham-hicks.com) workshop in St. Louis, MO on Tuesday, July 18, 2000

Yes, trusting myself is a gift.  It’s something I’m just learning to do (again), and like any new relationship, at times it feels tentative.  However the wonderful thing with this relationship is no matter how long it takes or how many times I’ve let myself down, I’ve learned I'm not going anywhere, I can trust that first about myself.  And I know I will keep finding new ways to honor my connection, to allow inspiration, and to trust myself as the Spiritual being I truly am.

Much love,
Tigerlily

Knowing you look good, feeling great that you look good, knowing that they know you look good.  Scene is over.

In other words, you must go that long . . . or you remember being dressed in something that you felt really good in, and you remember somebody else who you didn't even know, meeting you in an elevator and saying, "you are really beautiful in that." Scene is over.

You get a sense of it? In other words, you must find a little snatch . . . revel in it for a moment and leave.  And what happens is you begin to activate that part of you so much, that now, even though a reality is different from what you are living, you have different things activated within you, so everything starts responding to you according to your different activation.

When you feel fat your food makes you fatter – it does! When you feel slender your food keeps you slender – it does!

You must understand that because you see people eating similarly with very different results, and you say, "oh yeah, it's their metabolism," and we say, what do you think metabolism is?!?

Metabolism is vibrational response to your moment in time. Metabolism is the way the energy is moving through your body, you see. And so *everything* is in response to the way that you feel.

Everything is.

Everything is mind over matter.  Every disease is mental first.  Everything is about thought.  Everything is about vibration.  Everything is about the way you feel.  Practice scenarios that feel good, and never mind reality. 

Reality is only a brief moment in time that you keep repeating." 

Excerpted from the Abraham-Hicks (