Living compulsively versus living with intention
I’ve started to think of Abraham’s Upstream/Downstream as a metaphor for my weight going up and down. When I’m in the downstream, I eat healthy, I don’t attach feelings to food, and I choose what I eat from a place of peace and expectation. I feel good about myself and my body reflects my thinking and overall vibration by releasing weight. When I’m in that zone, it feels easy to me to be there and stay there. I feel strong, productive and connected.
When I’m in the upstream, I revert back to becoming this naughty, rebellious little girl who uses food to “get back” at everyone who has angered, hurt or frustrated her in her life. I eat based on what is handy and sounds good to my compulsive mind. I make choices based on the petulant emotions of a child who felt powerless in her own life. Naturally my body reflects my thinking and overall vibration by creating more weight.
The problem with the upstream situation isn’t just that I’m not connected and therefore feeling bad about myself. It’s also the fact that I’m not really getting back at anyone except myself. None of the people in my past who hurt me and helped to launch this silliness in my life are in the least effected by how much weight is on my body. When I’m thinking rationally I understand that fact. But when I’m feeling compulsive, it feels like I’m getting some sort of revenge . . . ridiculous, misguided and pointless revenge.
Another problem is that I seriously don’t enjoy a thing I put in my mouth when I’m in the “upstream”. I think my taste buds rebel against my self loathing vibration and shut down. Food becomes a weapon I use, supposedly against others but mostly against myself.
Anyone who has never experienced this would say, “then why don’t you just stay in the downstream?”
It’s a good question, just not a simple one. I think it’s partly because the downstream doesn’t feel as natural to me as upstream. I wasn’t taught downstream as a child, I was taught “push against at all costs”. Not that I was taught pushing against anything worked particularly, no one had any real idea of what would work, pushing against was simply the only option offered.
Now through Law of Attraction and Abraham, I’ve been introduced to other options. However after a lifetime of pushing against my weight, simply staying on a downstream path doesn’t feel as natural to me as pushing against feels.
It’s like putting on a really ugly suit. Think of a really bad suit that looks horrible, is ill fitting, has holes in places showing body parts you seriously don’t want to exhibit, is terribly stained, very old and really awful. In spite of the fact that it binds in places, creates a draft in others, makes you look absolutely your worse . . . like an old, stained and tattered clown . . . who got run over repeatedly by the little car filled with 32 other clowns. You slip into it without even thinking because you’ve worn it for so much of your life that it’s more comfortable than anything else. And worse, when you’re not wearing it, you can’t imagine your life without it. It sits there, carelessly thrown across the chair, waiting for you to put it back on again. It’s become a part of your identity. Somehow allowed in your life without your conscious approval.
I don’t want to wear that suit anymore . . .
Abraham has taught me that the only way to change something I don’t want is to find and singularly focus on what I DO want. So . . . from this moment forward I am going to reinvent my life, create an entirely new version of me. One that is all the things I’ve always known, deep inside, I came here to experience. I commit to seeing myself as someone who is always in the downstream. I see myself as someone who cares about her body and nurtures it in the most healthy and loving ways. I see myself as strong, determined and focused on being the best I can be. I see myself as the spiritual being I’ve always been, but haven’t allowed in the reflection I see in the mirror.
I will find the way, I will be guided, I will enjoy the journey, I will succeed!
Much love to all of you,
Tigerlily
When I’m in the upstream, I revert back to becoming this naughty, rebellious little girl who uses food to “get back” at everyone who has angered, hurt or frustrated her in her life. I eat based on what is handy and sounds good to my compulsive mind. I make choices based on the petulant emotions of a child who felt powerless in her own life. Naturally my body reflects my thinking and overall vibration by creating more weight.
The problem with the upstream situation isn’t just that I’m not connected and therefore feeling bad about myself. It’s also the fact that I’m not really getting back at anyone except myself. None of the people in my past who hurt me and helped to launch this silliness in my life are in the least effected by how much weight is on my body. When I’m thinking rationally I understand that fact. But when I’m feeling compulsive, it feels like I’m getting some sort of revenge . . . ridiculous, misguided and pointless revenge.
Another problem is that I seriously don’t enjoy a thing I put in my mouth when I’m in the “upstream”. I think my taste buds rebel against my self loathing vibration and shut down. Food becomes a weapon I use, supposedly against others but mostly against myself.
Anyone who has never experienced this would say, “then why don’t you just stay in the downstream?”
It’s a good question, just not a simple one. I think it’s partly because the downstream doesn’t feel as natural to me as upstream. I wasn’t taught downstream as a child, I was taught “push against at all costs”. Not that I was taught pushing against anything worked particularly, no one had any real idea of what would work, pushing against was simply the only option offered.
Now through Law of Attraction and Abraham, I’ve been introduced to other options. However after a lifetime of pushing against my weight, simply staying on a downstream path doesn’t feel as natural to me as pushing against feels.
It’s like putting on a really ugly suit. Think of a really bad suit that looks horrible, is ill fitting, has holes in places showing body parts you seriously don’t want to exhibit, is terribly stained, very old and really awful. In spite of the fact that it binds in places, creates a draft in others, makes you look absolutely your worse . . . like an old, stained and tattered clown . . . who got run over repeatedly by the little car filled with 32 other clowns. You slip into it without even thinking because you’ve worn it for so much of your life that it’s more comfortable than anything else. And worse, when you’re not wearing it, you can’t imagine your life without it. It sits there, carelessly thrown across the chair, waiting for you to put it back on again. It’s become a part of your identity. Somehow allowed in your life without your conscious approval.
I don’t want to wear that suit anymore . . .
Abraham has taught me that the only way to change something I don’t want is to find and singularly focus on what I DO want. So . . . from this moment forward I am going to reinvent my life, create an entirely new version of me. One that is all the things I’ve always known, deep inside, I came here to experience. I commit to seeing myself as someone who is always in the downstream. I see myself as someone who cares about her body and nurtures it in the most healthy and loving ways. I see myself as strong, determined and focused on being the best I can be. I see myself as the spiritual being I’ve always been, but haven’t allowed in the reflection I see in the mirror.
I will find the way, I will be guided, I will enjoy the journey, I will succeed!
Much love to all of you,
Tigerlily
Posted by Tigerlily at 10/29/2010 11:38 AM 
Categories: My Amazing Life - My Amazing Adventure
Tags: Law of attraction weight loss Law of Attraction Allowing Weight Release Weight Loss LOA Abraham-Hicks Spiritual Vibration
Categories: My Amazing Life - My Amazing Adventure
Tags: Law of attraction weight loss Law of Attraction Allowing Weight Release Weight Loss LOA Abraham-Hicks Spiritual Vibration
Hello Tiger Lily: Thanks for your continuing posts. Always inspiring. Are you aware of the set of guided meditations that Abe just did? Amazon is pre-selling them now and they'll be shipping in a week. I for one am really counting on the physical body meditation to help me line up my energy around my weight issue. Even though I am in the vortex a lot and feel wonderful most of the time, my body still hangs on to 100+ extra pounds. Sheesh.
(Link *NEW* Abraham-Hicks Guided Meditation added on right.)
Radiance
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Thank you so much Radiance, it's so nice hearing from you. I've added a link to the Guided Meditation, it sounds wonderful, appreciate you letting me and everyone else know about it!
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dear tigerlily...
I've read some of your posts and I must say I can relate. Most people just accept their overweight bodies as socially normal, few people really strive for change, so kudos to you on that point alone. I was pretty thin my whole life until I got pregnant with my daughter, my significant other cheated on me, left me...life got hard after that. Food became an obsession, and I realized after much reading and soul searching that my obsession with food had nothing to do with hunger...it was a way to suppress anxiety, it was something to think about rather than think about the real issues in my life...my personal problems, my low selfesteem, the job that I hate, my general sense of inadequacy...anyways I realized that when I stopped obsessing over food, I would have find other things to think about all day long! New hobbies, interests, it even led to me throwing my back into work (at the job I hate) and to my surprise it felt great to come home twice as exhausted from work as before.
The other biggest thing I've learned is to LISTEN to my body, rather than try and make it listen to me. My body is smarter than I am. Pay attention to the way things feel...for instance, ever feel like a big sack of crap after eating a bunch of junk food? compare that feeling to having fresh steamed veggies for dinner. energy soars, even my mood improves. replace soda and coffee and energy drinks with green tea. the caffeine is natural, you don't crash hours later.
Another thing I had to do was learn to love working out. At first it sucked, oh man it sucked. I tried running, tried to like it and I even got pretty good at it (for me) but I just hated it. Taking a bike out on a trail on the other hand, that's heaven. I love my aerobics classes too, they combine cardio, strength, stretching with music and companionship. I've seen the most results from aerobics.
A word about hunger: I went two years without feeling hunger. That's how much I was eating. Forget all the rules you know about eating six meals a day, etc. let yourself get hungry, stay hungry for a little while. you're not gonna drop dead, it's perfectly healthy and normal to get hungry, and your body is equipped to handle it by using other resources. just make sure you don't get weak and dizzy that's too hungry lol.
Do what truly feels good, accept that there may be setbacks, weight loss is a journey it doesn't happen overnight. I really like your analogy about the old suit it is so true...sometimes I think we can't lose weight because we wouldn't recognize the person in the mirror if we did. I have been thin before though, and it felt great. I have to remember how it felt.
Anyways, my point is, keep up the good work, do the things that feel good, make it a FUN journey you never wanna quit. So at the end of the day, even if you're not at your ideal weight, at least you'll feel like you're getting somewhere. Best of luck!
-Jada
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Thank you so much Jada for your wonderful comments. Everything you said is so true, and I'm realizing that the "general sense of inadequacy" you mentioned, the low self esteem is the core of all the issues of our lives. It's not about food or eating or weight, it's about loving ourselves no matter where we are, and seeing ourselves as the blessed beings of light we came here to be. Thank you for taking the time to comment. I deeply appreciate it. Have a wonderful and blessed holiday season!
Much love,
Tigerlily
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Hey TigerLily. This is a great post. The analogy of "the old suit" is really strong. When I read it, it really resonated with me - it reminded me of the "grip" of so many things that we are attached to. We can habituate a relationship with something that does not serve us. I think it's the familiarity that gives us comfort - even if it is familiarity with something bad.
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