Years ago I went to an Overeaters Anonymous meeting, and one meeting was all it took for me to realize that food wasn't an addiction for me, not in the way they interpreted it.  I felt very strongly that being “addicted” to food wasn't a label I was going to accept and wear proudly in the name of taming it. 

My inner guidance was strong in me as I listened to OA members passionately talk about their feelings of being powerless over food and what they were willing to do to recover from their illness.  The only part that resonated with me in the least was the higher power part, but I hadn’t been successful at praying away the weight at that point. 

I did see people who were very dependent upon the system, and believed in it deeply, and for them, because of their beliefs, it must work.  (And I am wholeheartedly behind anyone who finds any answers that truly work for them no matter what that answer may be.)  For me the “being powerless” part was something I simply could not accept for myself. 

I will always remember a beautiful, thin and shapely girl who spoke for a long time.  She mentioned that she was proud of achieving her goal weight recently.  That she was happy she had been able to do it in time for the wedding, which had been her driving incentive.  Then she went on and on in great detail about her overwhelming fears of her impending wedding reception.  It was only a couple of weeks away and while she now fit perfectly into her expensive dress, she was obsessed on preparing herself emotionally to deal with the stress of the food at the reception.

She proudly declared of her recent decision to not have a piece of her own wedding cake.  That she would allow the “small taste” presented her at the cake cutting by the groom, (and I’m sure had warned him explicitly about the size of the bite) but she was emphatic she wouldn’t eat any cake other than that.  Then she went on about her fear that she wouldn’t “over do it” at the meal itself, that she was hopeful she could be diligent and not indulge in more than the vegetables, lean meat and a glass of Champaign only “for the toast”. 
 
I was aghast!  Not even enjoying her own wedding cake!  Even considering controlling and restricting her food intake at her own wedding reception?  A “once in a lifetime occasion” and she didn’t feel she could let go and enjoy herself for a minute!  Most brides I know afterwards barely even remember the dinner, they are so happy and so focused on the groom and the guests and having a good time that they often forget to eat entirely.

And the idea of choosing the menu and paying for the cake and the catering and not allowing herself to enjoy any of it!  I simply couldn’t comprehend being so afraid of an "issue" that she couldn't let go and enjoy one very special day in her life!  Especially after she had obtained her goal weight. 

As far as I could see, that wasn't her reclaiming her power, it felt to me like she was surrendering all her power to food.  She had created an elaborate story for herself based in identifying food as an addiction and herself as a powerless addict and she was using will power through faith and she was vibrating it powerfully . . . and therefore living it. 

I’ve often wondered after the incentive of the wedding was gone if she had any success in keeping the weight off in the first years of her marriage.  Once she didn’t have to worry about fitting into that dress again, not to mention once she started having children, would have the strength to continue living in that powerless story and keep her control through will power alone?  I don’t honestly know, I always hoped so, I liked to think that OA works for people who need their answers in that form. 

But I knew there was no possibility of that working for me.  It didn’t represent lasting and dependable change.  I simply wasn’t capable of such momentous vigilance and will power. 

I always knew it was something inside me that had to change.  And it was only when I found Abraham (Abraham-Hicks.com) and the Law Of Attraction that I understood that what had to change . . . was my thinking.  The very idea of feeling powerless created powerlessness.
 
Over the last 5 years of studying Abraham I’ve learned why I'm not powerless over food or anything else for that matter.  That it was just an old story I’d been telling myself.  I realized that food has no more power over my life than water or air have.  I depend on them all for life, but they don’t control my life.

And over these years I’ve gotten to where I no longer eat to soothe myself anymore.  As I’ve looked at my old patterns of thought and replaced them with new thinking, my feelings, desires and habits have changed.  I simply don't feel the same way I used to about food.  I easily eat much less now than I ever did in my life.  And I get full much faster on much smaller quantities than I was capable of eating in the past.  I eat out of hunger and desire instead of in an effort to fill an emotional void. 

My new story is that I simply don't see myself as having a problem with food anymore.  It feels wonderful, and freeing, but also less dramatic than I ever would have expected.  It developed in me slowly and perfectly . . . like it was just the next logical step.

But my relationship with my weight is another matter, and I was surprised to discover that it’s a separate matter from food entirely. 

Even as I've gotten to where I don't have food issues anymore, I haven't quite gotten to where I've dealt with the old issue of feeling fat and vibrating as a “fat woman”.  I’m still stuck in thinking that leaves me feeling I have weight issues.

So of course, no matter how I eat, what I eat, or how little I eat now, the weight hasn't been coming off as quickly or effortless as I thought it would once I’d changed my thinking about food.  It’s coming off, albeit very, very slowly in spite of the changes in my eating.

I never realized how entrenched I was in thinking that if I could only change my eating, my relationship with food, I’d automatically begin to lose weight.  I mean if food put it on, wouldn’t less food take it off?

I had to realize that regardless what my new vibration is about food . . . I’m still vibrating in a place of “having too much weight”.  So the weight can’t really go until I let go of my old story of powerlessness over the weight that is on my body today.  Not until I write and tell myself a new powerful story.
 
It makes sense food and weight are two different concepts and must be dealt with separately.  Though I always thought of them as one interdependent one. 

I realized changing my thinking about food won’t automatically change my weight.  This realization made it very clear to me that it wasn’t the food I ate that created my body the way it is today, it was my story about the food.  My thinking . . . my belief in food being connected to weight, created exactly what I expected . . . as they always do.

I also realized it’s about labeling what I do as good or bad.   I realized that it was not good or bad to turn to food to sooth myself.  It's was in the thinking "using food to sooth myself is bad" that allows the connection between food and weight.  I mean if I decided that petting my cat to sooth myself was a bad thing, then every time I felt upset and went to find kitty, she would sense my negativity and my loving little kitty wouldn't care much for it.  I'd probably experience her claws in my arm, not very soothing. 

Whereas if I had allowed myself to use food without guilt to soothe myself when I felt out of sorts, I would have eaten a little bit of comfort food, shifted my vibration and been done with it, never adding an ounce to my body.

In order to do the allow my body to change I’d have to change the way I think about how much I weigh.  I have to write a new story about where I am.  A story where I feel what I’m experiencing as a temporary and growth filled situation, something that I’ve experienced, learned from and ready to release. 

In this new story I must feel myself as powerful, capable and all-knowing.  Confident that the way I feel about the weight is changing, the same way I felt about food changed.  I’ve got to focus on food being here for my nourishment, enjoyment and experience, and see it as a total positive in my life. 

More importantly now, to start seeing my body as my best friend.  To believe that every cell is prepared and ready to do whatever my new thinking directs it to do.  That my body can easily let go of any extra weight, can vibrate health and wants to naturally find it’s peak of perfection.

It’s time to appreciate my strong inner guidance and know that everything is working out perfectly and naturally.  To accept that my biggest job each day is simply loving and believing in myself. 

Knowing that as soon as I get my new story, stronger vibrationally within me than the old one was . . . I will be inspired to eat, live and play in ways that work with my body and my thoughts to release every once of extra weight . . . easily and delightfully.

In belief and love,
Tigerlily