Hunger pains or hunger love notes?
Hunger Pains . . . It’s no wonder overweight children and adults lose touch with our body’s hunger signals. Anything called a “pain” is generally something most children and adults want to avoid at all costs.
I was thinking about how I’ve lost touch with my body’s hunger signals and how far back it goes in my life. I wondered about as infants, when do we give into the signal from our little body that it desires food and let out that first squall?
Back then did we ignore the first “how about a little nosh” signal in favor of waiting till we were at a more determined . . . “Mom, crack open the jar of baby food NOW!” stage?
At what point is an infant’s communication level sophisticated enough for them to communicate different levels of hunger? And how soon, often and much does the Mother’s need to nurture through food override the child’s natural instinct and triggers?
When did my almost complete disregard for my body’s natural hunger notification system begin? And who in the world, first related the two words and coined the term “hunger pain”?
What got me thinking about all of this is I was reading about an online “Intuitive Eating” test which determines how far we are from eating as our body’s guidance would have us. The test talked about different levels of hunger. It suggested we consider ranking our hunger along a 10-point scale. 10 would represent eating until you are forced to lay down because the blood is leaving your brain and rushing to your stomach to digest the food. And 1 represents being so hungry you’re digging in the bottom of your purse or jeans pocket for a lint covered lifesaver.
What astounded me was that I couldn’t begin to imagine 10 different levels of hunger, I couldn’t even imagine 5 levels. And as much as I can relate to looking for that lint covered lifesaver at times in my life, I know I’ve honestly never allowed myself to experience true hunger, food is just too prevalent, too easily accessible in my modern life.
The article spoke about staying between a 3 (hunger is apparent but not insistent, you’ve got time to get to a restaurant, order and receive delivery before you begin to knaw on the chair) and a 5 (full enough to resist food that may be available but not nourishing, like the bowl of candy bits on the bosses desk which have your fingerprints all over it).
The big shock to me was I realized I really only have two levels of hunger in my life at this point. Hungry and not hungry. I realized I lost the subtleties of my body’s hunger communication system years ago. I can go all day without realizing my body is sending me signals, only to suddenly realize that I’m so ravenous and desperate for quick food that I can’t wait to find the scissors to open a package. I’m standing in front of the sink chewing on the edge to get whatever it is open.
So when I read Abraham’s (Abraham-Hicks.com) advice to follow my body’s guidance regarding what to eat and when to eat it . . . as allowing and loving and true as it sounds . . . for me personally, it also sounds a bit far fetched.
I feel the truth in their words, I feel the rightness of trusting my body, of seeing it as the ultimate authority for me, but it made me realize I personally have some work to do. Before I can trust my body and follow it’s signals, I’ve got to reestablish a loving and trusting relationship with my body.
And that includes forgiving myself for the past . . . completely drop the baggage and let it go. I’ve also got to reacquaint myself with my body’s personal language, the private language with which my body speaks quietly to me. And I’ve got to convince my body that I am now listening, and learning and paying attention to it.
My body has learned to do things in spite of me as opposed to in collaboration with me. It’s learned to store fat for times when I ignore it. It’s learned to give aggravated signals because I didn’t bother listening to the lighter ones. It’s learned to function around me instead of in partnership with me.
My job now is to convince it, that I’m here now, for the rest of my life, as it’s partner and loving caretaker. I’ve got to get to know my body. And it has to get to know the latest, newest version of me. As much as I need to learn to trust my body, it also needs to learn it can trust me.
And it is such an individual thing. The truth is, I might not even have 10 different levels of hunger, that might be a bit excessive for me. I might only have a couple or maybe a few. Just because someone else came up with 10 doesn’t mean I have that many nuances to mine. That’s something I get to discover for myself.
And I’m going to start by being purposeful for a few days with when and what I eat and drink. First I’m going to throw out the clock and begin by waiting. Waiting for my body to tell me it wants something as opposed to arbitrary terms like “breakfast time”, “lunch hour” and “dinner time”.
Then I’m going to wait until my body lets me know what exactly it wants. I’m going to slow down drastically while I’m eating, not because the experts say it’s good for me, but so I can feel the nuances of my body’s fullness. And so I can taste, enjoy and relish my food and for the first time, feel the sensation of my body whispering “enough, enough”.
I’m going to identify the signals, the fact that it’s the first few bites that taste the best, and when exactly they begin to lose their appeal. To notice how my body informs me to move onto a bite of something else or a quenching sip of a drink followed by a moment to just breathe and savor.
I’m going to talk to my Inner Being and ask for her guidance, ask her to show me how to listen to my body, what to listen for, and how to interpret what it’s saying. Ask for it’s signals to be clear and understandable. And in exchange I am going to commit to treating my body with new respect and love.
I’m not calling them hunger pains any more. The reality is that hunger signals aren’t painful at all . . . not really. At least not unless I ignore them and force them to become more and more insistent. (And I, like most other human beings who have a choice, ever let them get anywhere near that extreme.)
I don’t like the negative connotation of that phrase, or the inaccuracy. In fact, I’ve decided the first step in reacquainting myself with my body’s signals is to respect them, not as pain, but as life giving insights . . . loving notes from my body . . . letting me know that it’s time to refresh, refuel, and replenish myself physically.
That hollow feeling in my stomach, the slight headiness is an indication that I’m alive, that my body is working perfectly, and that it’s time to stop, relax and ask my body what exactly it wants.
Maybe it’s not really a fast food double cheeseburger meal deal, maybe it’s just a bottle of cold water for now.
And if by chance it is that juicy, hot double cheeseburger value meal . . . then I’m going to make eating it an event on a par with a dinner at a world famous restaurant. I’m going to smell, touch, see and slowly relish every single, delectable and succulent bite . . . well, until my body tells me enough!
I realized I have this amazing opportunity, just like that infant I wondered about earlier, to explore my world as if it were new. To rediscover food. To acquaint myself with my body in a way I never did as a child. To understand it again . . . for the first time.
I get to listen to it and learn from it and explore it in a way that most adults (even thin ones) never bother. Yes, this adventurous journey of mine, with all it’s contrast and opportunities . . . it’s a gift . . . and I intend to appreciate and fully explore every single bit of it.
Wanna join me?
Tigerlily
This was a real thought provoker for me ... first of all, I'm finding it interesting that my initial responses in my mind are about my daughter rather than about me! Thinking about how I breast-fed her for the first year, that she was probably never denied food when she asked for it ... that she was in no way attached to food coming from me ... when I stopped breastfeeding I thought it would be traumatic for her, but it wasn't at all - her attitude was food is good no matter where it comes from as long as it satisfies me. Wondering how that shaped her attitude toward food rather than being fed from a bottle on a schedule, like I was.
I also realized, when reading one of your posts yesterday that I think my daughter is much larger than she really is - I know that we can have warped vision of ourselves ... but it was interesting to see I had a warped vision of her! We went shopping together recently and she asked me to grab her something in a size 10 .. I was shocked, thinking she was closer to a 14! And the 10 fit her perfectly ... something for me to ponder more ...
I'm also thinking about my own situation ... I'm under the belief that I "have to" eat a certain times because of diabetes and blood sugar issues ... and so have lost touch to a certain point with "am I hungry?" especially in the morning when I eat breakfast at home because I don't like to eat at work, and yet, I'm generally not yet wanting any food at all. So, more focus for me on learning trust my signals and find ways to work WITH my body rather than (like the scheduled bottle feeding, I'm just realizing!!!) on some sort of imposed schedule.
Mmmm - this is SO good for me
love, em
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Thank you Emma,
As I was writing it, I didn't think about it from a Mother's perspective, thank you for bringing me that view point. Our food/nurturing/love beliefs start very early, as tiny ones. I was breastfed, but my sister came along when I was barely a year old and I wonder if the choice to be taken off the breast was mine or if it was a necessity for my Mother and the "new" baby. My younger sister was thin all her life till the last few years. It certainly makes one wonder when exactly we first develop our food beliefs, and how much impact things like that become in our lives.
The delightful thing, which I know you recognize is that we get to decide for ourselves which of those beliefs we continue to carry around with us. I love that part of LOA, the fact that I get to choose what I believe. I don't always see the belief until it's pointed out to me, but when I do, it's mine to continue to carry or to release and replace with a new belief.
The idea of having a distorted view of your daughter's size is something I'm familiar with too. I believe it's more common than we realize. The truth is most of us don't see ourselves realistically, some exaggerate what they see and others minimize what they see, but rarely do we really recognize where we are exactly. It's often typified by someone seeing a video or picture of themselves and thinking "who is that huge woman in the pink top" to be shocked to realize it's a picture of themselves. Thank you for bringing this up, I think it deserves a whole post. It's an interesting topic and I'll be thinking about it and delve into it deeper soon.
And I am really becoming enamored by the idea of eating, drinking, and sleeping by my body's clock as opposed to the one on the wall or bedside table. I'm so glad you brought that up. It's such fun to explore what my body wants and when it wants it. It's often funny, because the rumbling sometimes comes at times when quenching it isn't always easy, at least not in a healthy fashion. But it's still fun to explore.
You said "I don't like to eat at work" and that makes me wonder where the basis of that feeling comes from for you. If it's due to something specific with your work schedule . . . or if it's like I experienced it. I felt eating at work opened the opportunity for people to judge me. I always felt they were thinking "Why don't you skip a meal now and then?" I don't even know if they thought anything at all, they could have been thinking "That looks good, I wonder where she got it." I somehow felt like if they never saw me eat, they wouldn't think I was responsible for all the extra pounds I carry. Silly idea, but that's how it felt for me when I was in that situation.
Being concerned with others opinions was (and sometimes still is) a difficult one for me. But it's so important to get past what anyone else may or may not be thinking about me. To get to the place where I confidently understand that what they are thinking . . . simply doesn't matter. The only thing that matters is listening to my body, honoring it, and doing what is good for it. And no one in the world is a better authority on that . . . than me.
I'm so glad you are learning to trust your signals too. Especially with the diabetics, I think it's vital, not only to allowing your perfect body, but allowing your perfect state of health too.
Thank you for your insights,
Love,
Tigerlily
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I love that we have such different perspectives on this ... I don't actually mind eating at work as a rule, in fact I just had some soup as I was reading your response here ... I don't tend to feel judged by my co-workers - I'm in a situation where we are mostly women with a variety of body types and personal "issues" and on the whole are truly respectful of one another. I'm very fortunate!
For me, breakfast is a meal that I love to eat at home - its part of an evolution of taking care of me - I used to wake up, shower, dress and run out the door to grab coffee and some kind of baked good at the local bakery ... now, breakfast has become a lovely ritual for me - preparing coffee after my shower while I check emails - cooking something healthy for myself - sitting down to eat, to read, to enjoy myself ... taking the time for me and honoring this time of the day getting ready for stepping out into the world ...
The challenge here is that I DON'T want to do this at 7:30 in the morning - that this is something that works for me at 9 or 10am - yet I have made the choices in my life that require a job with imposed time limitations of having to wake eat sleep at certain times ...
My next set of intentions is around creating a larger life that supports me in making choices that honors my body, my rhythms of the day, the month, the year without imposition from someone else's schedule!
Emma
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I so agree, the differing perspectives and the sweet variety is what makes it all so interesting.
I love the way you described your beautiful breakfast routine. Such a beautiful and graceful way to begin the day. And a perfect way to set your intentions for your relationship with food for the rest of the day.
I know that "larger life" you talked about is waiting in your future and your IB is experiencing it already, and delightfully anticipating you flowing into it also.
Thank you Emma for your wonderful comments and expansive ideas.
Tigerlily
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Interesting post and interesting exchange of ideas with Emma. I love this blog, Tigerlily. Three things occurred to me as I read. First, I have always heard them called "hunger pangs", not pains. To me, a pang is just a signal, so does not have a lot of negative energy. Second: I experience two distinct type of pangs: when I'm carbing out it's a woozy, welling kind of thing that overtakes me completely. Almost a clenching nausea. Gotta eat immediately. But when I've been "clean" a few days, it occurs more like a polite clearing of the throat: "Ahem! Could use a little food down here. Pretty empty." In the second case, I can choose to eat or wait a bit. If I wait, this type of hunger will subside for awhile and then come back maybe a half hour later. Still polite and understated. So when I am carbing, I tend to eat more on a schedule to prevent the sudden insanity caused by low blood sugar.
The third comment I have is about how you said your body has learned to do things in spite of you. While I agree we all have an autonomic system, and maybe that's what you're referring to, I think it's more empowering to look at your body as completely your creation. You and your gorgeous bod are ALWAYS in cahoots, because that is how it works. Once I got this, I could look at my big tummy and ask myself (lovingly) "Why would I have designed my body so that my tummy hangs down that way, covering my female parts? What am I trying to hide and why?" (If you look around, you'll see people/women wear their fat in lots of different configurations. I'm one with a big tummy as opposed to really wide hips.) So why did I create it this particular way? In the open space left by my asking, I received some answers about myself that I had not known or acknowledged before. Those answers made perfect sense. I could see that my body had created my tummy that way to serve the way I was living my life at the time. That insight put me further down the path of knowing myself, loving myself and reassessing how I wanted to live my life..
In your prior posts you did acknowledge your body as your creation, so I thought it interesting that you wrote here that your body was off doing its own thing...
All is well... Radiance Project
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Thank you so much for your wonderful and insightful comments RP. It's interesting to hear how others experience hunger. I find it fascinating that it's such an individual thing for each person.
You make a great point about taking responsibility for our creations. When I wrote that my body had learned to do things in spite of me, I was referring to how it felt in my life before I found Abraham and LOA, back when I was unconsciously creating. But your point is well taken, even then I was creating it all, my beliefs, my vibration and my body's actions and responses.
It's interesting too, while thinking about your comment here yesterday I realized that since I found Abe and LOA and learned that I'm creating it all, I haven't gained any weight. I used to slowly put on weight all the time with no real effort. I was always very slowly and steadily getting gaining weight and getting bigger. Those seemed to be my choices. To force myself to stay on a diet of some sort or to gain.
But for more than 5 years, with LOA awareness in my life, that has stopped. And I hadn't realized that "diet or gain" feeling, belief, cycle was gone until just now. In fact for the last year, I've even been doing the exact opposite, slowly releasing weight, a few pounds a month, with no real physical effort on my part.
This is all so interesting, thank you for taking thought beyond . . .
Tigerlily
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